“winter”
in better weather,
i reject socks and slippers, and
my bare feet kiss the tiled bathroom floor gently,
accepting the cold with an acquiescent shiver.
tonight, however,
the ragged edges of my cracked skin
glance off with an aloof “shh, shh”
only daring to breathe when occasional puddles
present themselves as moist sacrifices to greedy soles.
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I like the image of feet as the gauge of seasons.
I think I would prefer “In warmer weather.” Let the speaker’s cracked feet tell us that cold is not the best weather.
I don’t like “and” appearing twice in Line 2, and I would just have a comma betwixt socks and slippers, and that might work, and I’m carrying on this and thing too much…
The other two lines in Stanza 1 work well. I especially like “acquiescent shiver.”
Nice use of omnimotopoia (sp?) in Line 7, but I don’t know that “shh shh” is the sound I hear. It’s maybe a “sthh sthh” to me. I dunno…
I not sure that I follow the puddles as sacrifice, but I can see the speaker stepping out of her slippers for a second to step in one.
Comment by randallweiss — February 26, 2011 @ 6:31 AM